Coronavirus Chronicles – Part 2

Social-distancing:  Week 2, Day 243

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Along with other states, Washington’s governor orders statewide stay-at-home mandate. Florida’s governor orders 2-week quarantine for all people arriving from the tri-state area.  As a Jersey girl, I can tell you, people will not handle that well. The Summer Olympics, to be held in Tokyo in July, has been postponed.  Spain and Italy continue to be hit hard.

As all of this is happening, Trump is talking – against the advice of doctors and healthcare professionals – about ending the quarantines and business shut-downs within weeks, not months, because “our country wasn’t built to be shut down” and he wants America to be “open for business” again.

On the home front, daughter and I continue to get along well.  We made cookies to bring to our neighbor kids – leaving on doorsteps, because, social-distancing.

My old friend, the IRS (remember the Colombian affair), reached out during this trying time.  My refund will be delayed because of a missing form. I swear, the IRS is like an old boyfriend who dumped you, leaving you in a ruined heap, and every few years, texts you to say he’s in town just to fuck with your emotions.  So, much-needed money will be delayed but, a hero came to the rescue. Daughter’s dad – ex-husband number two – texted me last week, “…let me know if you need money to make it through these crazy times”.  He’s lending me $1,000.

Meanwhile, banking that my refund would arrive, I had already reached out to the Colombian and told him he could skip sending money in April.  Am I crazy?  Yes, but not in this regard.  He’s been working to make sure he always makes a payment and when I needed extra money to support Daughter during her surgery in October, he stepped up.  Hard times call for humanity.

Speaking of humanity, we have to hold on to it.  I’m still hearing/seeing shaming memes, targeting people who were not taking social-distancing seriously before the government conveyed it was serious. Sure, I’m pissed at people flipping the bird to social-distancing by partying on beaches, clogging hiking trails and parks, hosting neighborhood barbecues, playing pick-up basketball.  By now, we all need to be taking it seriously, worldwide.  But I don’t wish that they get the virus.  I don’t wish that their older loved ones get it so they feel the pain.  I want them to get ‘it’ – the revelation that they are not immune, that they can spread the virus and are contributing to the depletion of medical supplies and the strain on the medical community.

But shaming won’t help.

We can’t let the virus, and it’s collateral impact, erode our humanity.  If you find yourself feeling anger, rage, fear, worry, do one thing today to negate that.  Reach out to someone you’re separated from – with a text, e-card, email, video-call.  Reassure them, support them, share fond memories, laugh, tell them how much you love them.

Stay healthy. ❤

 

 

 

 

 

Slow to Grace

Just before the school shooting this week in Marysville, WA, there was another sinister incident at my daughter’s high school.  Reportedly, four freshmen football players sexually assaulted a senior involved with the football team.  All four students were arrested and immediately expelled.  Other student/s walked in on the attack and immediately got help.  I’m thankful there was a witness or two so there is no question as to what happened for the sake of the victim who’s clearly been traumatized enough.

Obviously, this hits close to home – logistically, less than a quarter mile, emotionally, right through my heart. I’m having a hard time with this, not just emotionally, but spiritually too.

Grace is hard to come by.

I keep thinking of my anger, how I want to punish those punk-ass perps. I keep picturing what I would do to ‘show them’, to humiliate, degrade, demoralize, and scare the piss out of them.  And I realize, my own depravity.  My own desire to pick up the proverbial pitchfork and sink to a despicable level of mob mentality to deliver justice.  This is so, so wrong.

Where’s my humanity?  Where’s my spiritual connection?  The perps are about the same age as my kid, yet, even as a mom, I can’t find any kind of understand – much less compassion – for these kids.  I feel for their parents.  Four sets of parents have to come to grips with the truth that their children are brutal sex offenders whose lives are ruined.  But I’m still struggling to see these kids as someone’s treasured child – not even a child of God, as I wrote about recently – and not the monsters they showed themselves to be earlier this week.

As all of this is parked at the forefront of my mind, I wonder about what spurs such depravity at any age, but especially at such a young age, and by most indications, no kind of mental illness.  And I am honestly taking a hard look at myself and my own struggle to find grace.

L’eggo My Ego

I’ve been working hard lately to rein in my ego.  While I don’t think anyone would be quick to label me “egotistical” in the traditional sense, everyone has an ego and it’s not always easy to keep that genie in the bottle.

I know I’m reactionary and it often results in hard feelings and wasted energy.  Some reactionary thoughts of late include:

• I’m not his admin!
• Because I’m the Mom, damn it!
• Really? With everything I do for you…

always spinning myself up in indignation to perceived insults, gnawing on others’ audacity, inconsideration, selfishness.

A friend frequently posts links to articles with political positions opposed to my own.  He’s angry; he’s indignant.  I understand he can post whatever he wants on his social media page.  There have been heated exchanges with other friends, and I’ve often wanted to jump into the ring myself, especially after one charge to “Educate yourself.”

Ego, the pitbull chained in the corner, started to growl.

I tried gently to persuade said friend to post more about himself instead of about the negative stuff going on in the world which we’re all living every day regardless of who we feel is to blame.

“There,” I thought. I kept my ego in check.  Good job. (Ego likes that pat on the back.)

Well, my friend responded – seemingly doing his best to keep his ego in check too – politely holding his ground that he will continue to post “whatever I feel people need to read” and bid me a great weekend.

Ego started to bare teeth.

Who the hell does he think he is to decide what I need to read?  Oh, and to top that off with ‘have a great weekend.’  Oh he’s good.

Ego SO wanted to lash back – it still does.  In fact, 20 years from now, Ego will probably be thinking, “Oh I want to give him a piece of my mind…” But then, a smaller, wiser part of me says, “Keep it, Sister.  You’re getting older and you need all the mind you have.”

Ego likes to wield power and the more I feed it with the energy of my reactions, the more it wants.

So I’m not responding.  It’s done.  He can do what he wants.  I can too.  I can choose to ignore or hide comments.  I can choose to put that energy toward other things.  Instead of insults, I can choose to see lessons and opportunities to practice non-reaction, mindfulness, and more spiritual responses.

We’re all humans having human experiences.  The lessons aren’t always pretty, but they’re what we need to grow closer to enlightenment, contentment, and love.